Of Several Minds...

This past week, I think I finally figured a few things out. I've been in a great deal of pain since last February, but every so often it would...just...stop. I didn't know why, and invariably the surcease would not last for long, but there were these blessed moments of release. I think a big part of why I did so much hiking this past summer: looking for those moments of release. Those were even less lasting, but sometimes as I topped the rise and beheld the view before me...the beauty would overwhelm the pain.

The pain finally started fading in September. I started feeling more like myself. There were still some off moments, but overall I was above the "functional" stage I'd been at. Then last week I was able to observe one of the moments where the pain stopped. And realized that the only difference was that I had slid below the level of the bodily mind into...something else. The spiritual mind? Sounds too fancy. Maybe "the real mind." I had become so focused on the physical reality that I had lost touch with the real mind living beneath all that.

Could I have realized this sooner? Felt a bit less pain? I honestly don't know. I think the pain has to be felt, and moved through. Maybe I could have bought myself a few more respites, but that's about it. It was only after the pain had already begun fading that I realized it was all tied into the bodily mind. The real mind hadn't been touched.