In the Fog

Yesterday, my family and I drove back from Colorado, from my grandma's funeral. I had the last driving shift, and the sun had gone down. Sometime before we made it to the Wyoming/Idaho border, I encountered a thick patch of fog. Then it was gone. Then another patch, and another, each one seemingly thicker than the last. Finally, the whole world was swallowed up in fog. I slowed down enough that I would have at least three seconds to react to anything that came out of the fog. Sometimes this meant 40 mph, sometimes 55 mph, depending on the density of the fog. I had been tired before I started driving, and it would seem that dealing with the fog should increase that tiredness, but it didn't.

Instead, I felt fully alive and awake. I was fully in the moment. I had to be. I had to be ready to react to a slow car ahead of us, or an animal running out from the side. It seemed that the world shrank down to the foggy dome around us, and I was one with that world. In fact, this driving was easier than the driving I'd done in full, clear daylight. Fewer distractions, and more of a need for mindfulness. I admit to feeling relief when we hit the clear patches, but while I was in the fog, the fog was all there was.

I ran across a few appropriate phrases and ideas this morning.

From Thomas Cleary's translation of Vitality, Energy, and Spirit: "Able to reach the point where there is no enjoyment, [sages] find there is nothing they do not enjoy. Since there is nothing they do not enjoy, they reach the pinnacle of enjoyment." When I am in the moment, I enjoy nearly everything I do. When I am not, when I am thinking of all the other things I would rather be doing, then everything becomes miserable.

From Larry Rosenberg's Breath by Breath come the ideas of vittaka: bringing attention to an object with both energy and mindfulness, vicara: maintaining interest in the object, piti: enlivened energy or anticipation, and sukha: the pleasure of peace and calm. These are ideas that come from the Buddhist practice of vipassana meditation. The first thing I found of interest is that I have experienced all of these states at various times. First in yoga practice, later in taiji and meditation. But they all came into play as I drove through the fog. I had to focus on the road ahead of me, and keep all my senses alert for any change. When something did change, I felt excitement/anticipation/adrenaline, and used that to heighten my awareness. Then when I found that I could meet all the challenges, a sense of peace and rightness descended over me. I did not fight the fog. I accepted and embraced it, and in doing so, I was able to meet it.