Fear...

A book that my taiji instructor loaned me got me thinking about fear. So I started pondering what it was that truly frightened me. It's not death, or life, or violence. What scares me the most is the thought of not being in control. Now, there are plently of things that I realize are beyond my control, and I accept that. A meteor could fall on my head while I sleep. A drunk driver could crash into me. Someone could take a potshot at me. Fine. Those don't scare me. They don't make me happy, but there is nothing I can do about them, so there's no point in being frightened. No, what I don't like is the thought of having no control over my own life. Over what choices I make. That is what I am most afraid of. In this country, most of us are free to make our choices, for good or ill. But other places, people can't even choose what clothes to wear, what job to apply for (if they are lucky enough to have access to a job), etc. And yet, part of life is knowing what you can change, what you have control over. In Epictetus, his first principle is Know what you can control and what you can't. I wonder how far my level of control could be restricted down before I went insane...

On a lighter note, I wonder what form a boggart would take for me....